


Water Is Not Funny Kids

by CalicoCas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas comes in at chapter 3, Cas is in denial, Complete, Dean doesn't like that, I REGRET NOTHING, It's like a normal episode, M/M, but then with gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-27 12:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7617259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoCas/pseuds/CalicoCas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sam and Dean find a case where people's phone's mysteriously get broken, they decide they go investigate it. But what seemed like a weird job turned out to be even weirder. Not to forget Sam, who's done with Dean and Cas' shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

‘Lance, you’ve got to calm down’ The voice on the other end of the line said urgently.

‘YOU DON’T GET IT, MY LIFE IS OVER, I LOST EVERYTHING’ in the hysteria he had been caught in for the past days there was nothing that could get him to calm down. She had tried but it was to no avail. Nothing was able to get him to calm down anymore. Hysteria had completely taken over him. 

‘No you didn’t, and you know that. That one thing wasn’t everything, you still have--’

‘I TOLD YOU, YOU DON’T GET IT. JUST SHUT UP, SHUT UP’ 

She sighed. ‘I’m sorry that you are like this right now, I’m going to come to your place now, don’t hang up now, okay?’ 

‘I’M GOING TO DO IT, I SWEAR’ 

‘No, NO. Lance I’m coming over RIGTH NOW’

‘YOU CAN’T STOP ME. GOOBYE C’ 

‘Don’t you hang up on me, Lance, LANCE--’ the line had gone dead. She cursed at herself and put her phone in her pocket, pulling open the door of her parents car. 

~

She drove up to the house of her best friend’s house, quickly parking the car and getting out. She started slamming on the door, calling for someone to let her in. When no one opened she became really worried, so she searched for the spare key she was told about years ago when they became friends, she was granted the information that so if she ever needed somewhere to go, she could go there.

Taking two steps at a time, she darted to the first floor of the house. Opening the door of her friend’s room she was met with a terrible sight.

She screamed.


	2. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shorty, mostly filler, im writing on the rest already, dont worry

‘So did you find anything?’ 

‘Not much. But there’s this thing going on in Craig, Colorado.’ Sam chuckles. ‘Okay but hear this, there’s been about 19 cases in the past two weeks where, and here it comes, people’s phones spontaneously had water damage even though certainly 16 of those were nowhere near water.’

Dean stared at him dumbfounded. ‘Wait what. Phones that out of the blue have water damage.’ 

Sam nods. ‘Yeah, and even though all the owners say there was no water nearby when they put their phones there, there was always a puddle of water surrounding them.’ 

‘So you want to check this out, because it sounds like some kid just messing around.’

‘Honestly Dean, I don’t know, but we don’t have any better leads, so we might as well.’ 

Dean takes a big bite of his burger and shrugs. ‘Then I guess we’re going to Colorado.’


	3. Chapter 2

‘Hi, we’re agent Collins and agent Beaver. We’d like to talk to you about the incidents that occurred in this town regarding people’s phones?’ 

The officer looked them up and down. ‘Can I see a badge?’ Sam and Dean simultaneously took their FBI badges out and held them up for a moment before putting them back in their pockets. The officer looked at them with a slightly confused face. ‘Why would this be interesting to the FBI?’

‘They have their reasons.’

‘Well, I guess. Officer Morgan, what do you want to know?’ said the man as he tried stand more taller to the tall brothers. 

‘Well we would like to look into the case file.’

The man nodded and opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a thick case file. Dean sighed at the sight of work they were going to have to do, or the work that Sam was going to do, he was probably going to go to some local bar, of course. ‘I know it seems like a lot, but really, it’s just all the same. The people left their phones somewhere and later when they come back it’s surrounded by water and it doesn’t function anymore.’

Sam looked up from the file, which he had started flipping through. ‘What do you think it is?’ 

The officer shrugged. ‘We haven’t got a clue. At first we dismissed it as people just being downright clumsy, but when the cases kept coming, we decided to make it a real case. But soon enough we realised we didn’t know what the hell this was.’ 

‘Thank you officer, we can handle it from here.’ Dean said as he took the file and walked out, Sam following him.

‘Good luck you two, I doubt you’ll find anything though. 

~

‘Some people being clumsy, what a bullshit.’ 

‘Well what do you think then?’ Sam retorted.

‘I don’t know. It does kind of sound like a trickster? Perhaps?’ 

Sam shook his head. ‘This is too low, even for a trickster. And also it is nowhere what they do.’

‘This is just bullshit.’ Dean muttered while he got into the impala. 

‘I heard you the first time. Let’s call Bobby, maybe he can help us out.’ Sam sticks his hand in his pocket to find it not there. ‘What the heck?’

‘What?’ 

Sam let out a sound of annoyance. ‘Where’s my phone?’ Right as he finished saying that zapping sounds were heard from the backseat. Sam gasped and looked at Dean and then they both looked simultaneously at the backseat, where in the right middle, was Sam’s phone. In a small puddle of water. 

Sam sits back in his chair and sighs deeply. ‘This is going to be the worst hunt ever.’

‘Well suck it up Sammy, it’s either this or sitting and doing nothing in a motel room until someone knocks on our door to tell us we need to give ourselves to Lucifer or Michael. And anyways, it’s just the device right, you can still use the SIM right?’ 

‘Let’s find out.’ Dean stated while he opened the door and got out, followed by Sam.

~

They had gotten Sam a new phone and indeed, he could still use his SIM, so they called Bobby.

‘A ghost? You really think?’ 

‘Well maybe someone died and it had to do with his phone and now it wants revenge.’ Bobby said from the other end of the line. Sam and Dean exchanged a look.

‘Bobby, you understand how stupid it sounds?’

‘Yes I very much do. But you guys just check out the deaths in the area from the past 10 years and you know the rest.’ 

Sam frowned, ‘Why just the past 10 years?’ 

Bobby sighed, ‘Well how long have cell phones been around boy?’ With that he hanged up, leaving Sam and Dean on their own again. 

Sam looked at Dean. ‘Let’s go to the library.’ 

‘Yeah sure you go to the library, I have something else to do.’ He says as he steps past Sam with a pat on his brother’s back, leaving Sam frowning at his brother as he walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody please remember, this is a joke taken way too seriously by two friends that got turned in a fanfiction, I am aware suicide is a serious thing and that i portrayed this as something funny but it isn't.


	4. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wink wink

Dean walks out of the store, heading into the direction of the local bar. He looks over his shoulder as he walks in, seeing Sam walking in the direction of the library. He makes his way through the kitchen of the bar, waving off a few comments from the crew, and walks out of the backdoor into the alley behind the bar.

He looks up into the sky, ‘Cas?’ he swallows, ‘Cas, come on, I know you can hear me.’ 

A flutter of wings behind him makes him turn around, making him sigh as he takes in Castiel. ‘What is it Dean?’ 

He immediately regretted his decision to call on Cas, he should have thought this through more, maybe shouldn’t have done this at all. ‘I, uhm, I need to, uhm, do something.’ He stutters out. Why the hell was he like this, he was always calm and collected when he was talking to his hook-ups, why would Cas be so different. 

‘What possible could you have to do that you need me for it?’ Cas asked innocently.

Dean sighed, got all his courage together, ‘This.’ He said and then lunged forward and attached his lips to Cas’. 

The angel’s eyes shot open as Dean slowly worked his lips against his, but against his better judgement he gave in, following the feelings he felt in his vessel’s body, he closed his eyes and started moving his lips too. 

Dean’s hand made its way down to Cas’ waist and his other was around his neck, keeping the angel close to him. Cas’ hands seemed to have gotten minds of their own and wrapped themselves around Dean’s waist, pulling the taller man closer. He had to tilt his head back a little, but it didn’t matter to him, he actually quite liked it how Dean was taller than him. In fact he thought that- 

Suddenly Cas pushed Dean away from him. ‘Cas I-’ Dean started apologising. 

He held his hand up to silence him. ‘Don’t. This is not okay, I can’t do this. What will they think of me, fornicating with a human?’ 

‘Cas, please.’

‘No, I’m sorry Dean, I can’t.’

And with a flutter of wings, Cas is gone again.

Dean curses and kicks a trashcan, causing it to fly through the alley.


	5. Chapter 4

‘Hey Dean- are you okay?’ Sam asks as Dean walks into their motel room. 

Dean grunts a no and his brother brushes it off, going back to his research.

‘I found something interesting.’ Dean sits down on his bed, opposite of his brother. ‘Two weeks ago this guy, Lance Sharman, hanged himself in his bedroom. People say that they never saw it coming, that he was a happy guy, that there was no cloud in his sky.’ 

‘Right before all the cases took place. So something set him off to kill himself and now he is taking revenge? But what has that to do with destroying people’s phones?’

Sam shrugged, ‘I don’t know, I’d say we’d talk to the family and find out some more?’ 

‘Let’s go.’ 

~ 

‘Miss Sharman?’

The woman’s head poked around the door rather hesitantly, she definitely looked like she had been through a tough time and Sam couldn’t help but sympathise with her. ‘Yes, that’s me, who’s asking?

‘I’m agent Beaver and this is my partner, agent Collins. We’re from the police department and would like to ask you some questions about your son’s death, if that’s okay with you?’ 

She shook her head. ‘The police department already came by a week ago, I answered all their questions, what could you possibly want from me?’ 

‘We decided to reopen the case, to find out exactly what caused your son to take his own life.’ The woman’s eyes seemed to light up a little more. 

‘Really? That’s great, please do come in.’ She said as she opened the door for them. The brothers shared their guilt for giving the woman hope, there was a great chance they wouldn’t be able to get to the bottom of it. They were here to find out what was destroying people’s phones, if it wasn’t her son, they would have to move on from him. Sam shrugged it off, there worse things than this one woman.

‘Would you gentleman like some tea? Coffee? Anything?’ she offered. She really seemed more energetic and lively now that she heard this news. It only weighed down ore on the brothers.

They declined politely and sat down on the couch in the living room where the woman pointed them, sharing a look when they sat, miss Sharman sitting diagonally of them on a deep chair. ‘We were wondering, did your son show any strange behaviour? Like secrecy about something? Maybe hanging out with the wrong crowd?’ Sam started fishing around.

 

‘No, no, never. I actually knew most of his friends. His best friend Carter still comes over a lot to look for comfort in his bedroom, she then will also help me around the house. My husband died 6 years ago and I can’t say it’s easy running a household on your own. No, his friends are all angels.’ 

Dean had to resist the urge to scoff at that comment. 

They asked a few more questions, but nothing seemed off, or to lead to a vengeful spirit. 

‘So there was nothing strange, or just a little off about your son?’ 

‘Well, he did have a small, how should I call it, issue, when it came to his cell phone. I never understood it, but it was like that thing was his life. He couldn’t go anywhere without it and when he couldn’t find it he would freak out. But that wouldn’t have anything to do with his death right? Right?’ She asked hopefully. 

‘No, I don’t believe so. Could you give me and my partner a minute maybe?’ The woman nods and quickly hurries out of the room. Sam turns to Dean.

‘Dude, it could be him, but it doesn’t add up.’

‘He had a phone addiction, but that couldn’t just make him hang himself right. There has to be something more here.’ 

A knock was heard from the door. ‘I’m coming!’ miss Sharman called to the person in front of the door. Sam and Dean watched as a girl walked in, immediately flying into the woman’s arms, hugging her tightly. They heard her whisper, ‘How are you holding up?’ 

‘You know, same old.’ She answered, shrugging. ‘Who are those men in your living room?’ 

‘Gentlemen, this is Carter, she was Lance’s best friend.’ They all shook hands and introduced themselves politely. 

‘So you’re trying to find out everything? I might, uhm, have something interesting for you.’ She said softly, as if it were something secret. ‘I’ll show you.’ She got her phone from her back pocket and opened some things. ‘Please don’t give me a fine or anything for holding this back, but I just didn’t feel comfortable before to, you know, give it away. Miss Sharman, I’m not sure if you want to hear this.’ The woman motioned for her to go on.

She opened a sound file and the distressed voice of Lance Sharman filled the room, alternating between his and Carter’s. ‘He called me and I quickly decided to record it. I wanted to use it later to show him how his addiction got out of hand, but when I came here, I realised it was too late.’ 

‘You realise this is the key to the investigation?’ 

She clapped her hands in front of her eyes and dragged them down her face. ‘I know! I felt so stupid, but please, just please!’ She begged them. 

Sam put a comforting hand on her shoulder. ‘Don’t worry you won’t get in trouble for this, I promise.’ They heard a thud behind them and when they turned around they saw miss Sharman on the floor. 

‘She must have fainted when she heard the recording.’ Carter said as she rushed to the fallen woman and started pulling her onto the couch, Dean shooting to her aid.

After they’d done that, Sam turned to carter. ‘Could we perhaps transfer the file to our databases?’

She nodded quickly, ‘Yes, yes please go ahead.’ She handed them her phone. 

‘We’ll make sure you get this back soon.’ She just shrugged.

‘I don’t know if I want it back. You can have it. Also, I know what set him off.’ 

The brothers turned around and stared at her. ‘what did you just say?’ 

‘I-I know what set him off, why he did it. His phone, he was very attached to it. That day, we went to the pool and it had slipped out of his bag and landed in the water, it didn’t work anymore. I saw it coming after that if I’m honest. I wish I’d done more to stop him. When he called me he was, as you could hear, entirely hysterical and he wouldn’t even listen to me anymore.’

Dean smacked a hand to Sam’s chest. ‘Dude that’s it. His phone got damaged because it fell in the water-’ He got cut off by Sam smacking a hand over his mouth, giving him a look. Sam nodded to Carter who was staring at him with big eyes.

‘I’m sorry, my partner here tends to get, unprofessional, excuse us.’ He pulled Dean to the door and stepped outside. ‘We will be going back to the office to process all the new data, thank you very very much for your cooperation.’ He hurried the two of them outside and to the Impala. He smiled awkwardly at Carter who was closing the door and then finally took his hand of his brother’s mouth. ‘Idiot.’

Dean shrugged at him. ‘I will continue. His phone broke, he broke. He lost it, people had never understood him, so he hung him and now he wants revenge to show people how it feels for him. But that doesn’t work, because other people are not that attached to their phones, so he keeps going, getting more angry and more angry.’

‘Seems to be right. Let’s burn some bones.’ 

‘You go find out where he is buried, maybe dig a little,’ Dean pouted a little as he said it, ‘I’ll buy some oil and salt, we ran out of it on the last hunt.’

‘Forget it.’ Sam retorts and holds his hands up, ready to do rock paper scissors. 

‘You’re on.’

Shortly summarised, Sam went digging graves.


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, thanks for reading, enjoy!

Sam had taken the Impala to the cemetery as a compromise, while Dean went to the grocery store, deciding that Dean would just walk to the cemetery when he was done so Sam could make a start with the grave. He walked into the store, winking at the girl skimpy dressed girl that walked outside. He strolled through the aisles, picking a pack of candy bars along, searching until he finally reached the salt, stacking about 10 packs in his basket.

He paid and walked out of the store, throwing everything in the back of the Impala. 

‘That your car?’ A female voice spoke up from besides the Impala. Dean looks up to find a girl standing there, looking appreciatively at the car. 

‘Yes, actually.’ He slammed the tailgate shut, giving a little pat to the Impala. ‘Why don’t you and I get to know each other a little better?’ He said as he leaned against the car, flashing the girl his usual charming smile.

~

Sam wiped his brow as he stood up for a moment to curse at Dean under his breath. He felt a cold breeze and immediately got his iron poke at the ready and climbed out of the grave. He looked around him, not seeing anything until he feels a blow against is back and gets flung away a few feet. He grunts as he tries to get up, but gets thrown back. He finally manages to get back up and quickly grabs the iron poke and whips it through the ghost’s body, which vanishes.

‘Gotta go fast.’ He mutters to himself and begins digging again.

About five minutes later he hears a hollow thunk and wipes away dirt to pull open the casket. He is faced with the sight of Lance. It makes him cringe a little to see how young he is. 

He wants to pull out his phone to call Dean and tell him to hurry up when he is yanked out of the hole by his jacket. He gets thrown to the ground and Lance stands in front of him, raising his hand up to him. Suddenly Sam can’t breathe. His hands fly up to his neck and water starts pouring out of his mouth.

‘C-Cas, help.’ He chokes out.

~

‘And that’s how I ended up in a hotel room with 20 transvestites.’ Dean blinked furiously at her, not quite believing where that story went.

‘Dean.’ Dean jumps up and nearly topples off his chair as Cas suddenly appears behind him and lays a hand on his shoulder.

‘What the hell Cas?!’ He yells, still angry about earlier that day.

‘I understand how you are feeling about the incident that was between us earlier, but I do recommend you come with me-’ 

‘Well if you know, you should understand I’m not coming along. Also can’t you see I’m in the presence of a very nice and gorgeous lady.’ He of course wasn’t going to tell Cas he actually was about to leave because she wasn’t as good, and could never be as good, as Cas.

‘It’s Sam.’ Dean whipped around.

‘What?’

‘The ghost wasn’t so happy with him digging up his grave.’ 

Dean pulled on his arm. ‘Then let’s gó!’ 

‘Alright.’

‘And you’re not angel-zapping me anywhere. The last time you did that I didn’t poop for a week.’ He looked deadly serious as he said that, but it didn’t work for Castiel.

‘If we walk, we will be too late to save Sam.’

‘Fine.’

With a flutter of Cas wings they appeared on the cemetery, right next to Sam who was choking up water. He quickly took a can of oil from his pockets and started pouring it over the still very intact body. He poured one bag of salt and quickly lit a match and threw it down. He turned around to see Lance’s ghost storming to him ad lifts his arms in defence, only for it to burn and disappear right before it could reach him.

When he spun around he could see Sam taking a deep breath and Castiel looking up from Sam’s body on the ground, right into Dean’s eyes. Dean averted his eyes quickly, feeling quite queasy with staring into Cas’ eyes too long.

Castiel made sure Sam was okay and then made his way over to Dean. ‘Are you alright?’ 

‘I would say yes, but am I ever really?’ The angle smiled softly at him. 

‘I’m sorry, if that helps any.’

Dean smiles and looks down, shaking his a head a bit. ‘No not really, but you know what would really help?’ Smirking, he looks up, giving Cas his pout face.

Castiel rolls his eyes over-dramatically. ‘You know Dean. I don’t care, what the hell.’ And with that he steps forward and tilts his head back, lips only mere inches away from Dean’s. ‘What would that be, the thing that would help you?’ He tilts his head adorably.

Dean smirks, ‘I think you know very well what that is.’

‘Say it.’ Cas urges him again.

‘Kiss me.’ Dean sighs and lays his hands on the angel’s shoulders, before he presses his lips down on Cas’. 

They move their lips together passionately. Dean quickly urge Cas to open his mouth and slips his tongue into the angel’s mouth. Cas lets out a small moan, making Dean smirk against his lips.

Behind them Sam squealed, forcing them to break apart and give him a ‘what the hell dude?’ face.

Sam quickly removed his hands from his face and crossed his arms, shrugging. ‘N-nothing.’ Dean raised an eyebrow, hands still on Cas’ shoulders. Sam sighed. ‘Okay, I’m just glad you two finally, you know. I knew it would happen eventually.’ He said with a smirk on his face.

Dean pointed with a finger at his brother, ‘You know what? Screw you. If you don’t mind I’m going to enjoy my angel here.’ And he dipped his head again and connected his lips to said angels lips again. He dramatically wrapped his arms around Cas’ waist, who in turn wrapped his around Dean’s neck.

‘Ew, dude, gross.’

‘You literally just said you wanted to see it happen.’

Then Cas intervened. ‘Could you stop interrupting us, Sam. And could you do that thing again where you use your tongue?’ He asked innocently.

Dean smiled down at him and then looked up at the sky and thanked whoever who was listening for Castiel, his beautiful, innocent little angel.

‘You know what Sam, you were wrong.’ Sam blinks at him. ‘This wasn’t the worst hunt ever. This was the best hunt ever.’


End file.
